Wheels For WOW

Expect more than just a few typos in this post. I can barely see a thing over my swollen mouth. It is possible that I did this to myself. There’s a dead cockroach on my floor so maybe we engaged in a territorial war and I got wounded. Much as that theory is plausible, I prefer to think that someone punched me right before I left the bar last night probably after saying something socially inappropriate.

Wanna know how it happened?

Keep scrolling…

I had a lot of plot last Saturday, the common denominator being alcohol. I always make multiple plans because most of them don’t come through. I wanted to get insanely drunk and high with some chic. She gave me the we shall see, I’ll call you line and I knew she was not going to show.

Life is too short to sit around and wait to be stood up.

Do you know how absurd you look to God when you are trying to stand up someone and they are happily getting soused out of town?

It’s as silly as trying to high five a blind man.

I got out of bed at around midday. This hostel is so awesome that they even have room service. You can get out of bed and order for a vodka right through the window. Nothing screams Happy Saturday Morning like vodka in boxers and some insanely loud rock music.

There was the Writing Our World Book Club session in Kamwokya. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. One, because it gave me a rare opportunity to interact with the sober, well-meaning, nice people who have literally pushed my writing career to this level. Attending Book Club also gave me a chance at relevance. I wanted to be a part of the latest project, Wheels for WOW.

Yes, we’re tired of begging people for rides so we’re getting our own! I haven’t looked at the proposal but it is going to cost Writing Our World Ushs20million. The best part is that you can be a part of it. From Youth Awareness to Writing Projects to Competitions, WOW is one of, if not the most devoted NGO(s) to the development and exposure of young writing talent in Uganda. Personally, I doubt if I would be where I am today if it wasn’t for WOW.

WOW organizes field trips to Secondary and Primary schools all year round in an attempt to identify, encourage and improve creative writing among teenagers. They (or should I say we) give out T-shirts, pens, notebooks and other gifts on some of these trips. We arrange and facilitate writing workshops, parties, Book Club sessions and many other events. Our facebook group and website is a hub for Writing Competitions and a platform for young writers to interact and share their work(s).

And it is all free of charge.

Yes, we do all that for free. We take pride in being a part of the making of the next Okot P B’tek. Not a part of the team that ran him/her broke before (s)he could publish a poem. So sincerely, if you’re not taking part in this project, I don’t know what the deuce you’re doing with your goddamn life. There are going to be a couple of fundraising events and we might even drop by your neighborhood for a cup of tea. It doesn’t matter if your account balance is zippo, you can still help as a volunteer. A lot of volunteers are needed and if you want to be one of us, contact the Executive Director of WOW, you’ll automatically become awesome.

Do you know that as a part of this project, we have style-upgrade on the agenda?

Yes, so if you need to step up your style, or as teenyboppers call it, swag, shout hallelujah because we are in your backyard. We shall be selling fine-looking WOW branded Polo T’s (yes, like the ones Lil Wayne always fantasizes about), bracelets, cups, pens and car stickers. You will LOL when you hear the prices.

We are also going to remove all dirty cars from our City. No, don’t hide yours; we are not going to impound it. We are going to wash it for you. Yes, we know you’re too busy doing whatever it is you do so we shall be coming around to do it at about half the price you would have spent in a washing bay.

Do you know the best part?

You get to chill and eat some cupcakes and muchomo while we put that shine on your ride!

Honestly this project might be the most awe-inspiring thing to happen to Uganda ever since Ziggy Dee left the music scene. We are literally putting the cool in cool fundraising.

Now, back to faces being used as punching bags. Remember, I was in Kamwokya – the locale for one of the biggest beer depots in Kampala. I called up some of my goons, or as the Executive Director at WOW calls them – Arthur’s doggos. We hit some kinky bar where a beer goes for less than 2k. I should have known things were going downhill when a bottle slipped from my hands and broke. Of course I had to be the dick and act douchey about it.

The rest was like the last 10 minutes of a Tarrantino movie.

I don’t know how I escaped but I woke up at 3a.m. this morning with a few bruises here and there. Like all morning afters, I hated myself and cursed out loud. I saw the Engineering encyclopaedia on the floor and decided to do something constructive for a change. I inherited this book from my dad, who inherited it from his dad. On the first page, my grand dad had written;

Your life is a sail; you just need to find your wind. G. G.

My dad had also written a few words of wisdom;

Weep not child, a dark night is followed by a sunny morning. W. E.

This got me thinking…so I also wrote something for my future son;

If you're going to act like the world's biggest dick, you better have it. A. W.

Thank you for reading these idle notes. You’re splendid people! Please share and don’t forget to LIKE my new facebook page, Kukuss Blog. We’re striking tomorrow so I’m guessing no lectures. I’m off to the malwa joint. Adios!