Brace
yourselves, this day is upon us. Uganda’s very first fundraising Slutwalk. All
proceeds will go to the prostitutes in Mbale and of course Father Lokodo’s
daughter. Or niece, or auntie, or sister, or mother, or jajja – as long as you
are in some way related to the Minister fellow and a bit female. We feel your
pain.
All women, girls, de-toothers, choir-girls and lesbians (read campusers, campusers, campusers, campusers and campusers), are hereby called upon to slut their skimpy selves to work this Monday.
We shall be slutting under the theme;
“Screw the thighs, Save the Miniskirt.”
Dress Code:
* * *
I get high a lot of recent, I think the world is getting so fuckin cold. Call that shit Global Freezing. God, I'm so fuckin drunk right now. I need someone to smoke all this pot with...do hit me up on my facebook.
All women, girls, de-toothers, choir-girls and lesbians (read campusers, campusers, campusers, campusers and campusers), are hereby called upon to slut their skimpy selves to work this Monday.
We shall be slutting under the theme;
“Screw the thighs, Save the Miniskirt.”
Dress Code:
1.
Miniskirts – you see the distance from your
wrist to the tip of your middle finger? Yes, that is the maximum length
required.
2. Double slit (siliiti) miniskirts – slits should go all the way up.
3. Boob-clasping tops – can I please bury my head in that cleavage?
4. Paper thin see-throughs – Oh My Gawd your tits are right there!
5. Clear heels – I recommend that you put on these with nothing else.
6. Leggings – only put these on if your butt is in business for itselef. Leggings with no ass are like a wallet with no cash.
7. Tiny, tiny, dresses. Did I mention tiny? Yes, they should end as high above the knee as humanely possible.
8. Total bukunya-ness (nakedness) is not an over-kill, put it on.
9. Bikinis and “hawt” pants.
10. More mini-skirts.
The position of Lead Slut Walker is still open. Applicants should be…well, slutty but not essentially sluts. Being a professional slut would, however, be an added advantage. Five Lokodo look-alikes will carry out the screening process. We shall call them Maxi-skirt-Priests. The successful candidate should be able to simultaneously induce at least four of them to pocket.
Miria Matembe will be in charge of the Lead Slut’s personal security. Her impeccable skills at slapping the lights out of religious zealots cannot be overlooked. Invite your grandmother too. No, not for (God forbid) the Lead Slut Auditions, for the slut walk just.
Uganda is not Mecca. We bind, refuse, rebuke and refute any efforts to turn Rolexville into a mosque. There’s a busty babe killing a tiny dress in the Premio next to your taxi. Please, do have an eyeful. Those are some of life’s “little” things that keep our minds off the electric bill.
FYI, miniskirts are going for like 90% off at Owino this week. Let’s toast to Hotness!!!
2. Double slit (siliiti) miniskirts – slits should go all the way up.
3. Boob-clasping tops – can I please bury my head in that cleavage?
4. Paper thin see-throughs – Oh My Gawd your tits are right there!
5. Clear heels – I recommend that you put on these with nothing else.
6. Leggings – only put these on if your butt is in business for itselef. Leggings with no ass are like a wallet with no cash.
7. Tiny, tiny, dresses. Did I mention tiny? Yes, they should end as high above the knee as humanely possible.
8. Total bukunya-ness (nakedness) is not an over-kill, put it on.
9. Bikinis and “hawt” pants.
10. More mini-skirts.
The position of Lead Slut Walker is still open. Applicants should be…well, slutty but not essentially sluts. Being a professional slut would, however, be an added advantage. Five Lokodo look-alikes will carry out the screening process. We shall call them Maxi-skirt-Priests. The successful candidate should be able to simultaneously induce at least four of them to pocket.
Miria Matembe will be in charge of the Lead Slut’s personal security. Her impeccable skills at slapping the lights out of religious zealots cannot be overlooked. Invite your grandmother too. No, not for (God forbid) the Lead Slut Auditions, for the slut walk just.
Uganda is not Mecca. We bind, refuse, rebuke and refute any efforts to turn Rolexville into a mosque. There’s a busty babe killing a tiny dress in the Premio next to your taxi. Please, do have an eyeful. Those are some of life’s “little” things that keep our minds off the electric bill.
FYI, miniskirts are going for like 90% off at Owino this week. Let’s toast to Hotness!!!
* * *
I get high a lot of recent, I think the world is getting so fuckin cold. Call that shit Global Freezing. God, I'm so fuckin drunk right now. I need someone to smoke all this pot with...do hit me up on my facebook.
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