Facebook - What I think...

Facebook – What I think…

Facebook is an awesome thing. Mark Suckerberg is just that -- a sucker. He’s a sucker because he came up with something for the whole of the human race to base their procrastination on besides drugs. I love and hate facebook in equal measures. I love the fact that I can chat with someone I’ve no clue about. It gives me a chance to interact with people regardless of whether they’re murderers, psychos, geniuses, artists or just plain boring. I’m talking to you boring. I recently received a request from some bimbo who can whistle in five different languages and can make fire with two ice cubes.

What?

Yep, guess it’s true what they say -- everyone is a super star on the World Wide Web. Of course that excludes Seya and the presidents of Uganda and Burundi. By the way, what does the president of Burundi do for a living? Besides of course taking siestas such as these

Put a pin on that we’ll get back to it.

Most of what I post never gets more than a like or two. And I like it like that because;

1. It takes certain minimum IQ levels to get my humor so the less comments I get, the more intelligent I feel. 
2. I never comment on other people’s posts so it is only fair.

If you saw facebook through my eyes, you’d understand why I don’t comment. But you probably won’t see that since you are facing the wall in that profile picture. That makes a whole lot of sense considering the fact that if you face the wall, everyone will know who you are because your ass is just that great and memorable.

I meant that sarcastically.

First of all, that skirt is too long for a mother’s union to be out of the question. And we all have that one friend who is there to make it seem like things are not as nightmarish as they seem. They’ll comment stuff like… “eh, kiKazi…tHE hAir!!!”

B*tch, is your caps lock having a seizure?

And to that slutty friend of mine, you don't measure how much people like by how many likes and comments you get. You are barely nekkid in that profile pic. We like the boobs. We don't like you.

Sometimes, I really want to comment but what the heck are you supposed to comment on a status where someone has been in a relationship with his twin sister and they are expecting a baby? If I’m to comment it will be something Riley Freeman-ish (no homo) like, "Look, fuck you, fuck them shoes, fuck them socks with the belt on it, fuck your gay ass ferried fagot accent, fuck them cheap ass shades, fuck your yuck mouth teeth, fuck your hairpiece, fuck your unborn kid/sister/brother, Fuck Guy Richie, fuck prince William, fuck the Queen. Fuck Indo-China where people fuck they sisters. Now get the fuck off my timeline before I have you exported naked to the Taliban. And if I see you in the street I'm slapping the shit out you."

Gross. That’s why I just sigh and keep scrolling.

Everyone has fantasies of becoming a celebrity some day so we all prepare for it by getting super star nicknames you know…like just in case. That is perfectly fine by me...here I am as a rockstar a million light years from now

 What the Suckerberg fellow didn’t bother to think up in all his “genius” maneuvers is a notification which lets us know that Mpererera Sweetness Yum-beta (Yeah, I’m better) changed her name to Kawonawo Chickydee Fashionista.

Unfriend

Are you sure?

Damn right I’m sure!

Then there are the Jesus Freaks. I love Jesus to death. But I hate it when my undying love is wrongfully exploited for commercial reasons. I hear, like or comment if not you are going to hell. I don’t pray that much but I’m pretty sure there is a special part of hell for motherfuckers like y’all.

Well, while we are still on the facebook topic…I’m still contemplating creating a twitter account and a page for this blog. I’m still undecided because just like a million other wacko-freaks I created a group almost as soon as I joined facebook. Either my posts were really bad or something because none of the members ever commented or posted. It was so depressing that I decided to leave the group because the only other thing would have been my neighbor’s call to the suicide alert hotline. By the way do we have a suicide hotline in Ug?

Y’know, just in case…

On realizing that I had shut myself out of my group…I sent a join request hoping that one of the members would check it out and honor my request. I’m still waiting to be accepted to date simply because,  well no one ever checks it out.

Aaww…that actually hurts like a bitch.

So please, lemme know if I should create a page and while I’m still soft and emotional, please share this post and all other posts that you dig. If you do, it will be the next best thing to ever happen to me since my friends organized a stripper for my 21^st birthday.

Adios Amigos!