They Call Me "The Little Gatsby"

I don’t know if it is growing up but I don’t like going to discos (yeah, I'm grown enough to call em that) any more. Each time I do, I say something inappropriate and shit hits the fan and I embarrass myself or I get beaten up or – something along those lines. Of course that is if I manage to get in. I seem to inspire hard work in bouncers.

Nowadays I play Gatsby. You know, get girls and boys in a room and mix them all up with a couple of Bond7s. It always ends the same way, with everyone making out with anyone and glass breaking and yet another “last” warning from the landlord. The girls forget about their tops and they scream and twerk. The boys crack jokes and get lucky. Yours truly will be in a corner chain smoking and admiring the beauty of his work.

…and people still say Kampala is not friendly.

 I’m like the pimp that never gets paid. Do you know the number of cigarettes that are smoked in an episode of Mad Men? That’s how many girls I’ve hooked up with each of my boys. Sometimes a girl catches my eye, but it never goes beyond strip shots and clumsy kissing. And then one of the fellas takes her to the disco and…yeah, one plus one equaled three because the rubber was missing.

I don’t think about it too much you know, the fact that I’m spending too much and not getting any. What matters is that everyone is happy, right? Wrong. I don’t want to say that I don’t like the girls, because I love all girls. Yeah, even you. I’m simply over that whole thing where you be juggling a hangover while trying to recall the name of this person who keeps on saying over and over again how she likes the pattern of your tiles.

Wait, what?

My magnificent cock and I made an agreement – one of the clauses is that I’m only whipping it out for someone I’ve known for five days at the very least. A nice girl, preferably Muslim – those ones don’t mind sharing. Allah smiled upon me recently and I met a girl. She’s not Muslim but she promised to convert so…yay!  I like her the same way Forest Gump liked Jenny. She has this ass, Oh my Lord, it’s like the planet Venus. Forty thousand years of human language and I still can’t find the words to describe her boobs. "Mind blowing” is closest to the ball park. 

So we’re chilling alone and she’s telling me about her boyfriend while I’m video camming her dancing naked to Audio Push. Then one of the fellas shows up and I honestly don’t feel like letting the bugger in but he has a brand new bottle of Bond7 and I’m sucker for whiskey. Anyway, to cut the story short, I blacked out and he nailed her.

Ouch

That hurt. It hurt because it was the fourth day! And I had a good thing going man. The last thing I said before blacking out was, “yo, don’t fuck her…” I know some of you are thinking I should stop whining and focus on upping my game. But it had nothing to do with game. Because she was so wasted, she could have blown the Mayor of Ugly and gangbanged all the chimps in Bwindi – for free.

I’d spent the prior days going on and on, telling him that she’s the one. And I never do that, I never mark territory. But this time I did. So I guess he figured, “hey, Arthur has a new girlfriend. Let’s go fuck her!”

It’s not like I have a dick or anything, right?

Anyway, she told me it was a mistake and we joked about it. I promised to call her on the 11th of Nevuary.

But the thing is, when the circle gets bigger, it becomes easy to mistake anything for loyalty.

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