Take a Hint, People Don’t Like You

We live in civil times. Manners and courtesy are emphasized and violence is often discouraged. Nowadays, even rappers stop at lame lines about the female anatomy and fake jewellery. You don’t have to pick up a piece (gun, fool) to ‘pop a cap in damn foos’ to sell a record.

Just tell kids to stay away from drugs and promote gay rights, your record will fly off the stands.

Dream Chasers’ Lil Snupe was shot this week over gambling or something. Pretty sure it wasn’t over his rap genius. If a rapper is too angry, and I mean really angry, he’ll take the rival rapper’s mother for shopping and, depending on how much they drink, will sex with her.

No harm, right?

Welcome to the 21^st Century

Somewhere in between, we trek the fine line that divides being nice and having the overpowering, tremendous desire to stuff a shoe in someone’s mouth.

Honestly I don't like you, please go away!

People don’t wanna be rude or hurt nobody so they become “yes people” and suck up to a lot of other people’s meaningless twaddle (read bullshit).

Someone may smile sweetly at you but in his/her mind, (s)he is irately throwing a truckload of bricks at your head.

I do it all the time.

People are annoying. I am a prime example of that fact. I wouldn’t want to be in my company after a few bottles of counterfeit alcohol. I feel like I am at this grand TV talk show where I can talk shit and use sarcasm to slap people in the audience.

Like, “Ay Wonny, you’re drunk. Close your head. I feel a lot of BS coming out of it.”

“Oh, shut up you fuckin nothing. What, you want me to spit Newtonian Mechanics? I’m sorry, bullshit is all you’re getting tonight ‘cause I’m all out faded. Also, you look like 7 different shades of bullshit.”

And he’ll still “like”me the following evening. Yet he actually feels like screaming;

And that night, I will hook up with a fat, older woman who should know better than to dive in a bottle of Uganda Waragi before 8pm. I tell her to sit on the counter because I am the boss and because I want to embarrass and piss my friends off.

I have no idea how she squeezed into that really short miniskirt but…yeah, you know about fat girls in short miniskirts sitting on bar counters and drinking alcohol.

Mini strip show

I love you, get wasted with me please...

And they’ll still “like” me the following evening.

That night, I sense the negativity because no one will get me a Nile Special on credit. I grab a Coffee Spirit because it is cheaper than dirt and because the manufacturers are not yet sure of its percentage alcohol content. Or is it acohol percentage content?

A little mathematics >>

Coffee + Alcohol = Overwhelming desire to celebrate like Sevo after a Cranes game. So I climb on the pool table and scream at my opponent (turns out he is the bouncer);

“You call yourself a bouncer? You are such a bitch!”

Then I try to skid on the cushion Rooney-style and I fall off and I have to be escorted home to my worried mother.

And they still “like me” the following evening.

That night, from their bland smiles, I know word has got around. Arthur is a kukuss embarrassing asshole and any attempt to let him loosen up should be avoided at all costs. 

He didn't have to chase me. He gave me the dead beat eyes and mentioned something about swamps and I took the hint. I drifted to the malwa joint where I called someone a crook and they told me to learn how to;

Well, they weren't white though...

Nowadays, I’m a Persona Non Grata in most circles. So I spend my evenings smoking pot, trying to earn some Tweet Cred and lying to my parents about the internet.

I know sometimes you feel like doing this as soon as you come here;

Ever felt like doing this to a Page?

Just know I'm staying up, waiting to make one more person happy like;

Just one more "Like" and I'll go to bed

Like Kukuss Blog on Facebook and Follow me on Twitter for insane posts, updates, facts, wtf questions, pics and everything that can’t fit here.

Merci mesdames messieurs