I'm Just a Goodfella, Don't Call Me Funny

You know, I always bump into people and they tell me that they like this blog and they think it isreally funny? Umhuh?

I wonder, funny how?

Please, explain yourself...funny how?

One of my most favorite movies of all time is the 1990 movie, Goodfellas. My favorite character is Tommy, played by Joe Pesci, the short dude who also starred as one of the villains in Home Alone.


Check out this excerpt from the Goodfellas movie. Tommy is hanging out with Henry and the Goodfellas at the bar and Tommy is a real funny fella, wisecracking and all; Here's how he responds when Henry calls him "funny".

***

Tommy:          I had a back job over in Dallas and this nut job comes over to me slaying dominoes, he’s like what the fuck are you doing? I tell him, ‘I’m resting.’

(Nut Job) Hell yeah you’re resting.

(Tommy) I’m resting. I know I’m resting!

Tommy (continued): He starts saying all sorts of things you know asking all kinds of questions. He (Nut Job) says, ‘so tough guy what are you gonna tell me?’

I tell him the usual, zero, nothing! What should I tell you? The fuck?

He says, ‘no, you gonna tell me something today tough guy.

I said, ‘Alright, I’ll tell you something. Go fuck your mother!’

*laughter*

Tommy (continues narrative): So now I’m coming around you know, I start to come out of it. Who do I see infront of me? This pricky gangster, he says what do you wanna tell me now, tough guy?

I said, ‘Bing, what are ya still doing here? I thought I told you to go fuck your mother!’

*laughter**

Tommy (continues between laughs): I thought he was gonna shit!

*laughter**

Henry says between coughs, ‘you’re a really funny guy! Really funny!’

Tommy (takes on a more serious note): What do you mean I’m funny?

The rest are still chuckling but the mood is getting a tart more serious.

Henry: W-well, your story y-you know…you’re a funny guy.

He takes a drink, a little intimidated. Others think the act is still a part of the joke.

Tommy: What do you mean? Like the way I talk?

Henry:            Y’know, y-you’re just funny…it’s y’know the way you tell the story and everything…

Everyone is now silent and attentive, they notice that Tommy is actually serious.

Tommy: Funny how? I mean, what’s funny about it?’

Anthony (One of the Gang stars): Tommy, y-you got it all wrong…

Tommy: Wait Anthony, he’s a big boy, he knows what he said. (Turns back to Henry) Funny how?

*silence**

Henry: J-just—just you know, you’re funny…

Tommy: Wait, lemme understand you ‘cause I might be a lil’ fucked up maybe, (leans in closer), but funny how? Like I am a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh? I fuckin amuse you? What do you mean funny? Tell me, how am I funny?

*silence**

Henry: Y’know…just— (lost for words) y’know how you tell the story…

Tommy: No, no I don’t know. You said it. How do I know? You said I’m funny. How the fuck am I funny? (Raises his tone a notch). What the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what’s funny?

*loud silence***

All the gangsters are quiet. They know any moment now, Tommy is going to pull out his gun and whack Henry because getting whacked is as easy as telling someone they‘re funny when they don’t wanna hear it. Everyone pay attention.

Henry(throws his hands up in resignation):            Get the fuck outta here Tommy!

Whole table bursts in laughter.

Tommy (shouts): Motherfucker, I almost had him! I almost had him! (laughs) You stuttering prick! Frankie, is he sweating? Was he shaking?

At this point the waiter leans over so that his head is level with Tommy’s.

Tommy (to the waiter): What the fuck is wrong with you? I thought I was getting pinched already! He’s hanging around my fuckin neck like a vulture! Like a pending day, whaddayawant?

Waiter (Discreetly): This guy’s worried you know, he wants you to go over and get check y’know, thought you’d take care of it y’know.

Tommy: Sure, no problem, go put it on my table, of course.

Waiter (apologetic): You see, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. You know it’s seven fuckin big ones mehn. Seven fuckin g’s you owe me mehn.

Tommy takes a sip, obviously irritated and feeling embarrassed in front of his colleagues.

Waiter (continues): Seven g’s men, I don’t mean to be out of order but—

Tommy: You don’t mean to be out of order? Of course you don’t mean to be out of order, you just want to embarrass me in front of my friends. You want them to call me a dead beat y’know.

(Pulls the waiter, Sonny’s tie) You know Sonny, you’re a real fuckin muck’

Sonny: What do you mean I –

Tommy: You know the amount of money we spend in this fuckin ---

By this time he’s pulling on the guy’s tie. A real Nigga moment is about to happen. Sonny is all shaky and apologetic.

Sonny: Comeon, Tommy don’t be like that—

Tommy: What do you mean don’t be like that? (Pulls down Sonny, keeping him level).

Now, he reaches out in a swift movement for the bottle of liquor and swerves it straight at the waiter’s head! The whole table laughs as Tommy, who’s like 5ft tall, kicks the waiter’s butt as he scampers away.

That’s gangster.

Tommy: Can you believe this prick? (Bustling with self importance), that’s funny huh?

There’s a guy putting on a Hawaiian shirt, standing there and obviously shocked at what he’s just seen.

Tommy (to Hawaiian Shirt): What the fuck are you lookin’ at? (Hurls a tray at the dude!) You fuckin moron.

The gang stars are literally in multiple fits of laughter.

Tommy (continues): can you believe this prick?

Henry: You’re a funny guy!

Tommy pulls out a gun and points it at Henry.

Tommy: That’s it Henry! That’s it Henry! You’re a dead man!’

***

Don't call me funny, just enjoy my shit and hit that share button like you're the shit.

Shout outs to my Good Fellas, Jeff, Joel, Alex and the whole crew over at Club El Tanjia. You make it possible for me to skip work and go clubbing at 12 in the fuckin afternoon and I think that's some badass shizzy. Shout outs to Koku, SlumBorn Entertainment y'know wassup! 

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